The New Adventures of an Old Preacher

Orphans homes, Bible versions, premillinialism, Christian colleges and universities, a piano, hand clapping, “camp” songs, one cup, grape juice, four-part harmony, even the proverbial color of carpet- these have all been fightin words.

At least for us of the Restoration heritage. Each one at some point has polorized a part of us and set us against each other. Pointed fingers and poisened pens got busy and the battle was engaged. When the dust settled there lay unity victimized once again.

Just how did all of this come out of a handshake of harmony from Stone and Campbell?

Wow. Talk about fighting mad. My wife rarely gets her hackles up very high, but last night Nancy Grace really set her off.

By now I am sure that you are aware of the disgraceful way Nancy Grace has been portraying the Churches of Christ on her news program in connection with the Winkler tragedy. She seems to be doing her best to demonize us and somehow make the church an accessory to the murder.

Last night she had Dr. Bob Jones of all people ruminating about us. In his old preachery tone (yes, some preachers are even older than me he proclaimed that our views on salvation are unscriptural. She also has invited other religious “experts” to go off on us unchallenged.

Most ridiculously of all was her interview with Dr. Rubel Shelly who was representing us. She asked him loaded questions and then did not allow him time for adequate answers- even bringing the women’s role into play. That is when Terri really lost it. Specifically when Ms Grace blurted out over Dr. Shelly’s attempt at an answer, “What about Mary Magdalene? What if she had kept quiet?”

At that point Terri was ready to throw down. She tried repeatedly to phone in but finally had to settle for a pointed email. If she could have managed to get in the same room with Ms Grace a good old fashioned no-holds barred, Texas steel cage match would have broken out. Don’t get this Arkansas girl all “riled” up!

Honestly my first reaction was to Ms Grace was to laugh because it was all so over the top, but it is really not a laughing matter.

A terrible tragedy is now being turned into a sideshow of speculation and distorted facts. In the absence of a motive and with air-time to fill pundits like Ms Grace are trampling all over the legacy of a well-respected, multi-generational family of ministers and attempting to indict the church as a cultish co-conspirator in this murder.

Terri has a right to be angry. It is a disGrace.

“You may have a neurological problem.” Ha Ha! Okay, now tell me something I don’t know. “You must go immediately to get a CAT scan.” You are kidding me, right Doc?

He wasn’t. It all started with by far the worst headache on my record. It felt like The Big Show had slammed me completely through the turnbuckle. The pain was so intense that I could barely function but it was my eye that created the drama.

Apparently having one pupil larger than the other is not a good thing. At least it is not a good thing when accompanied by a hurting skull. So off to the ER I go with my head still in a vice but struggling to figure out what a neurological problem might be.

Well, I got no answers but I did get numerous lights shown in my eyes and finally after about three hours some meds. They work. They work well and soon I find myself in a happy place.

Only I begin to hear voices- familiar ones- so I drift out of my doze to find myself surrounded by three of my elders. That was when I knew it was over. Lord, I am coming home! I was a goner and these brothers were here to usher me into heaven and all because of a lousy headache. What a way to go!

But somewhere along the way the CAT scan happened. The doc comes in and gravely says, “I’ve got news. We found something…. You do have a brain.” Hardee har har! Save the comedy for Leno doc. Then he pronounces my diagnosis. No, it is not anything neurological. No, they do not know why one of my pupils is larger than the other. They do know I have “chronic sinus disease”.

What? All of this drama for a stinkin sinus infection? Yep. Here are your prescriptions. You are discharged. We hope your head feels better.

Well, my head does feel some better and my pocketbook will be a great deal lighter, but I guess it was worth the adventure. I now most assuredly know that I have a brain and one pupil larger than the other.

That brings up a question. Terri has been telling me that because of my age I need glasses. Does that mean that one lens will have to be bigger than the other?

Yea, right! I’ll bet whoever said this was not past thirty!

Alright, 47 is not ancient by any means. But try telling that to my body after chasing around a four year old- not to mention an up and coming seven month old. I feel like the apostle Paul, but it is not me being born out of due season.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I love my kids and cannot believe how God has transformed my life over the last few years. Wow! To think that just seven short years ago I was battling loneliness, self-doubt and questions about ever being able to preach again. O me of little faith!

But when your kid tells her aunt who has settled down in the backyard to play with her, “My daddy can’t sit on the ground like that. He is really old,” it is time to face the facts.

Yes, I workout. Yes, I try not to eat too many of Terri’s homemade iced oatmeal cookies, but there is no denying that I can’t get to basket like I once did. Some grinning teen always seems to be there first stealing the ball from me.

Therefore I declare myself an old preacher. (Taylor has already declared me an old dad) And as such I will reserve the right and this blog to pontificate, orate and most likely exaggerate on whatever adventure suits my fancy. So pity the three people who will actually read this stuff!

So if you are one of those three be on the look-out because I am only getting started. Be sure to check back in because the dispensing of age-weathered, sage wisdom has just begun.

One of true daily adventures is taking my four year old daughter, Taylor to her preschool. Usually we have a blast singing or playing answer the question or whatever. The fact that the school is located at our church is nice. I drop her off and then walk up to my office.

Last week this routine was interrupted by the flu. For two days I ached and pained my way around the house. The duties of taking Taylor to school fell to Terri, my wife and Taylor’s mom.
In a conversation about why I was not the one behind t