Not in My House! Five Confessions of a Non-Dog Guy

For purposes of clarity, I will begin this post with two definitive statements:

  1. I do not hate dogs. I have been accused of this, but it is simply not true. I enjoyed dogs growing up. I even blogged about one of my favorites.
  2. What I do not care for are dogs in my house. So in that regard I am a non-dog-in-the-house guy. And herein lies the rub.

Non-dog-in-the-house guys are now the new smokers. We are not held in very high regard. Somewhere they are building little rooms for us to huddle in–separated from the majority–lest we spread our offensive attitudes. Perhaps legislators are considering slapping warning labels on us. In our crazy-for-canine culture we are dinosaurs.

Well, maybe it is not quite like that, but sometimes it feels that way–especially since almost everyone on both sides of my family now has one or more of the little (or not-so-little) critters running around in their homes. I feel the pressure. My girls do not understand why we don’t have dogs sharing our couches with us. My wife (who grew up with house dogs) and I have formed sort of a treaty of non-aggression on the issue, although I know in her heart that she would love to hear the pity-pat sounds of little paws dashing across our floors.

How did I get to this place?

  • Early childhood trauma. As mentioned, growing up I was surrounded by dogs–all outside. I fondly recall another of my favorites named, Inky. Yep, he was jet black and fun to play with in the yard. My first experience with inside dogs came at a friend’s house. They had this small terror of a mutt who would growl and bite at your pant legs as you walked through the house. I despised that dog and am sure that from somewhere deep within me arose the resolve to never, ever let a mutt like that rule my household.
  • It is about the furniture. When the furniture meets dog, furniture usually looses.
  • I do not like to be licked. It is not cute. It is not fun. It is not sweet.
  • Poop. Need I say more on this?
  • Scratching, whining, barking, etc. I do enough of that for everyone at my house! :)

If you are a dog lover; a dog-in-the-house person; I hope this post is not offensive to you. I respect your right to have all the puppies you desire. When I come to your home I will not complain. I will pet your pooch. I will adjust and enjoy our visit. Likely, I will not think your version of “man’s best friend” is as cute and lovable as you do, but I will manage just fine (unless precious bites at my pant leg). I am at your house.

So, I ask for the same consideration at my house. It is already three-against-one and sometimes I find myself wavering, so I could use the help.

And besides, isn’t there a Bible verse somewhere stating that God intended for dogs to be outside?

26 Responses to Not in My House! Five Confessions of a Non-Dog Guy

  1. J D says:

    You do hate dogs. Admit it. I suggest you get a small pup for your girls and just bear with it. If you do it now, about the time they go to college it will kick the bucket and then you and Terri can have the empty nest to yourselves. You’ll never regret the experience your children will have, and you’ll be the hero of the story for bringing little puppy home. If you’re always the one that says (insert Edward G. Robinson voice here), “No, you will never have a dog in my house, I don’t care what you want.” Well then, that’s the story they will tell their children when they bring home a pup to them. And Precious would not bite your pants leg. She would go for your hand. :P

    • dannydodd says:

      Jordan was excited to win some goldfish at her school fall fair– until she realized the fish pooped in the fishbowl. Gross! I don’t want them anymore! Imagine what she would do with doggy poop! lol

  2. Voting for the Dog says:

    Oh for crying out loud. Let your family have a dog. I heard your wife say that she planned to get a dog on the way home from the funeral parlor, so I’m not so sure about the value of that treaty. It’s possible that you are being selfish. :)

  3. Michelle Hawkins says:

    I’m right there with you! I promised the girls a dog before I knew we would be living in a place with no yard. So the dog lived inside, and I hated having her inside for all of the furniture, licking, barking, pottying, and ridiculous amounts of fur reasons. She was only allowed on one story of the townhouse, not allowed on any furniture, and fenced in at night and when we left the house– mean pet-mommy!! As soon as we moved into a house with a yard, out she went. The rest of the family still miss having her inside. So I feel your pain!

  4. Laura F says:

    We’re right there with you. The kids are welcome to have one in their own house someday. We had indoor cats growing up but I don’t want one of those either. Don Alan had dogs but lived on a farm. I never liked dog poop in the yard as a kid and having to watch where you played. Our 10 crawdads and one small lizard are more than sufficient.

  5. Teresa says:

    I feel your pain! I’m not a fan of dogs either. (My mom taught me never to say “hate.”) It’s a hard thing to admit in a crowd, because people will unleash (get it!) their pro-dog venom on you. I get it that people like dogs and want one. Fine, but please respect my decision as well. Oh and who is going to tell these inside dog people that their houses smell…well….like a dog?

  6. What’s wrong with a dog in the yard? Always have had dogs. And they always stay outside where dogs belong. :)

    Feeding the fire… LOL

  7. David P says:

    What ever you say Comrade Putin! Your way or the highway! If you train a puppy right the poop on the inside stops in a little while. The love they give is UNCONDITIONAL and there ALL of the time. Where else can you find that? You’re just an old fuddy duddy. But I love you anyways.

  8. Tim McCarter says:

    Dogs, like every other creature made by an all-wise God, have a purpose. For some it is herding livestock. For others it is finding game (hunting). Still other retrieve, guard, or rescue. ALL of these functions are to be performed OUTSIDE and I really appreciate those dogs who perform such service. Additionally, dogs also perform such tasks as leading the blind, which is one of the very few tasks that should bring a dog inside. Except for service dogs, dogs belong OUTSIDE and those that are not large enough to take care of themselves outside (ankle biters) should be mercifully eliminated.

  9. That Girl says:

    I have almost always had a pet. They lived outside. I am bothered if someone comes to my home expecting their animal to come inside my home. They don’t change their house rules when I visit, I don’t change mine when they visit. I am not a horrible person.

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