If Airlines were like Churches

I have been on the road again. This time to north central Arkansas for a niece’s graduation. Got to enjoy some awesome fishing while up there too. I also was able to swing by and spend Mother’s Day with my mom in Greenville, MS.

Back in my office I just read the latest issue of Preaching magazine. Michael Duduit, the editor-in-chief wonders in his article on the back page what if airlines were like churches.

Catholic Airlines- In the event of a problem, your overhead compartment will open and rosary beads will drop down.

Baptist Airlines- We don’t serve any alcohol, but we have a great “dinner on the concourse”.” Just bring along a covered dish with you e-ticket.

Seventh-Day Adventist Airlines- We only fly on Saturday.

Christian Church Airlines- We fly planes the way they used to fly planes!

Presbyterian Airlines- All worshippers shall remain in an upright and locked position.

Episcopal Airlines- We will take off as soon as we decide who owns the planes.

Church of Christ Airlines- Those other guys arn’t real airlines. We’re the only real airline.

Pentecostal Airlines- The flight attendant will present the safety information in an unknown tongue, requiring another flight attendant to interpret.

Evangelistic Airlines- If we don’t have a full flight, we go out and get some more!

Calvinist Airlines- When your destination already has been decided.

Arminian Airlines- Even after you’re on board, you can still get bumped from the flight.

Secular Humanist Airlines- We’ve got a plane full of people, but no place to go!

Have any to add?


17 Responses to If Airlines were like Churches

  1. Donna says:

    No, but I really like this!

  2. johndobbs says:

    Existential Airlines – While many of us are on the same flight, I sit in the wonder of flight … not knowing what our destination might be … only knowing that it could be…

  3. Darin says:

    Fun post. Thanks.

  4. Universalist Unitarian Airlines – Everyone gets to pilot their own plane.

  5. benoverby says:

    Radical Islamic Airlines–Buckle your seat belt, the target is less than one minute away!

    Mormanism–In the event we lose cabin pressure, a bag will drop in front of you–stick your head in and read the glowing message on the plates.

    Premillinial Airlines–“In the event the crew is raptured in flight, you will be rerouted to hell on earth. Enjoy your tribulation; next flight will depart in 7 years.

    Gnostic Airlines–“Where Your Destination is Our Secret”

    Scientology Airlines–We’re a little creeped out by Tom Cruise too.

    Jehovah Witness Airline–Congrats! You’re passanger number 144,000. Our airline is now officially closed eternally! Sorry for the inconvenience.

  6. johndobbs says:

    Ben Overby has me rolling. LOL

  7. dannydodd says:

    Good one Wade.

    ROFL Ben! I especially liked the JW one!

  8. […] Have a laugh: If Airlines Were Like Churches… […]

  9. Trey Morgan says:

    Ben is too good.

    Can’t really come up with any new ones, but I’m sure that all these airlines will have a layover in Dallas.

  10. Cool analogy.

    Bobby Valentine

  11. Frank says:

    Calvinist Airlines — “Seating in first class and our reprobate section has been pre-assigned.”

    Anglican Airlines — “Taking to the air with the Book of Common Prayer!”

    Anabaptist Airlines — “No children! Only those who make the conscious decision to travel may fly with us.”

  12. gkirkendall says:

    Anti-Cooperate Church –“No bathrooms or eating in the plane, no orphans, no “located pilots,” and the drink will be served in one cup.

    MSOP Airlines — “We have the only maps that matter, only our planes will get off the ground, jet engines are an unathorized addition, and all materials are printed in the Enlish of the 17th century.

  13. leeh says:

    Amish Airlines. There will be frequent stops to allow the horses on the tread mill to rest and be refreshed. Homemade baked goods will be served as soon as we reach 500 feet. Please remain in your buggy seat at all times.

  14. Trey Morgan says:

    I love your blog, Danny. Good stuff.

  15. dannydodd says:

    Playing blog catch-up here!

    Great adds by Gary, Frank and Leeh! Funny!

    Thanks for the props Trey. Much appreciated.

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