Is there anything more devastating to a marriage then the crushing realization of an affair? Trust is shattered. Even if the marriage relationship survives, it will take great patience and effort for it to regain its vitality. Affairs accomplish nothing positive for a marriage, yet all-to-often they happen. And yes, even in Christian homes.

The finger of blame can be pointed in various directions- Too much time spent together at the workplace; One or the other spouse not meeting needs at home; Mid-life crisis; Too much chemical intake; Bored with life; Lust confused with love.


An affair is still an affair and a breaking of a covenant. And while there may be all kinds of reasons, there is no excuse.

“What God has joined together, let no man put asunder.” (Matthew 19:6 KJV)

We just do not have the right to toy with our marriage vows by toying with someone not our spouse.

Now, having made all these statments, I can see how affairs develop. I can see how folks who never dreamed of cheating, can get caught up in moments of passion. No one is immune. That is why we must be ever cautious.

There is no such thing as “innocent flirting.” Spending more time with her then with your wife is not wise. Paying more attention to him then to your husband is dangerous. Thinking about what you would do if you could-is just plain stupid and might I add, sinful.

All this applies down at church too. It is why I do not counsel with the sisters alone in my office. Few things hurt our witness more than infidelity.

Affairs can be forgiven. Many a marriage have overcome them to blossom again. But why go there? Even if your marriage is on the shakiest of grounds an affair is not the solution.

Marriage is hard work, it is sweat, it is being unselfish, it is forgiving, it is forbearing. It is also fun, enriching, loving, and rewarding. And it is for life.

The goal of our marriages should be “til death do us part”- not an affair.


11 Responses to Affairs

  1. Donna says:

    You are right….
    1- Nothing more devasting
    2- It is a breaking of covenant
    3- And the temptation happens to most everyone….

  2. That Girl says:

    My ex-husband made friends with the girls that worked at the beauty shop beside his store. They all cut up and had a lot of fun and finally, it just got to the point where it didn’t seem like that big of a deal anymore. …or so he said.

  3. johndobbs says:

    Danny a bigger question for the church is: how do we respond? Lots of mixed emotions here.

  4. marquita says:

    I agree. While all of what you stated resonates with me, I fear that there is a failure on the part of the church to ” Be Real ” and stop ignoring this issue that plagues our churches, society, and generation. We have failed to create a safe and open forum where the many struggling in this area can seek direction, community and dialoug. I am concerened that we, as a church, through our legalism, silence and denial, are aiding in the enemies efforts to “kill, steal and destroy our precious and much needed Christian families. ” I challenge my fellow believers and those in ministry to find a solution in bringing this darkness to light…

  5. dannydodd says:

    I share the same concern about how the church repsonds to those spouses who have been the victim of affairs and those who have fallen to this temptation. I plan a follow-up post to address just that.

    With this post I am striving to direct us back to the heartache affairs create, attempt to discourage anyone considering this course- and to remind us that this choice can never be God’s will.

  6. If we as a church as going to be a hospital who welcomes and seeks to heal the wounded, we are going to have to change our long held super conservative beliefs about divorce and remarriage and welcome the hurting with open, loving arms as Jesus did with the woman caught in the act of adultry and yes, He did tell her to go and sin no more as we should, but He did take the time and effort to talk to her and show concern for her rather than turn His back on her because of her sin. The message of Christ is not a message of condemnation but a message of hope and healing.

  7. Teresa says:

    As a third grade teacher, I can assure you first-hand that the pain of affairs and divorce reaches out to the children as well. With every passing year, I spend more time putting “band-aids” on the emotional scars brought about by parents’ selfish choices.

  8. dannydodd says:

    I appreciate everyone’s comments on this sensitive issue. I also feel for those who have dealt with the fall-out of an affair. Unfortunately, I have experienced that too.

    Teresa makes the point about the children. They perhaps feel the effects of an affair the longest- and are likely to take these effects into their relationships.

    The point of this post is preventative. It is much, much better- even in the most troubled of marraiges- to not view an affiar as an option, then to have to deal with the aftershocks of one.

  9. Trey Morgan says:

    Wow, some amazing comments here. So much to learn.

  10. Two things.

    *There are no excuses.
    *Marriages can survive and affair.

    I am not excusing infidelity. I have little tolerance for it. It is just that I realize that punishment, no matter how right it is, does not help the marriage. The person that was cheated on has to decide between divorce or forgiveness. That sucks but that it is just that simple.

    I don’t think the increase in divorce over the past 20 years is because of increased infidelity. I think divorce is perceived to be easier than it used to be. I think when folks perceive divorce as being worse than the marriage they tend to work on the marriage.

    Many marriages survive an affair. There will be scars but survival is an option.

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