I am so much cooler off-line

Well, maybe. Some would argue that whatever cool quota I was given has been long used up!

But online? Besides blogging, my most enjoyable online activity is fantasy baseball. Cool- for those involved, but for most of the world, kind of geeky.

I have always had old-fashioned leanings. I much prefer to watch old episodes of The Andy Griffith Show than dancing stars, singing idols and biggest surviving losers. So this whole new cyber world reality we live in now challenges me.  I constantly stay behind the curve.  About the time I catch up with one online component, it is old news.

I can’t text. My fingers are a mess on phone pads. Tweeting frightens me. I can envision having a discussion with another tweeter. “I have 2387 followers” he says. In a tiny, humiliated voice I would reply, “I have three.” Thus having to admit just how uncool online I am.

I am on Facebook. I try  to be cool there with witty one-liners and snappy sayings- which usually come across as lame. (An aside- I believe Facebook will eventually take over the world. Soon we will be ordering pizza there, shopping for clothes, doing our banking, conducting church services, asking someone at our dinner table to pass us the potatoes- everything!)

Sometimes I feel like the loneliest guy in the world. I find myself surrounded by people, but who have no time for a conversation with me because they  are texting, tweeting, or doing one of a thousand possible things on their cool iphones. I am nostalgic for the day when I could actually chat with someone on the phone. Just chat. Talk about whatever in thirty-five characters or more. Not cool any longer though. When my old, uncool cell phone rings I know it is either my wife (thanks for still calling Terri) or someone wanting something. I am not complaining though. It is actual voice interaction. Sometimes I find myself fighting the urge to ask Punjab from India how his day is going when he calls as an outsourced telemarketer.

I have actually had these type of brief exchanges. “Hey, give me a call sometime and let’s talk about it,” I say. “I will text you” comes the reply. I realize that social networking is here to stay, but in it I am the dorky guy who shows up at the dance without a date and without any dance moves.

Even my eight-year old is cooler online than me. Recently she asked her mom to borrow her iphone so she could listen to a song. I didn’t even know you could!

Offline, I am a fairly confident, competent guy. I am Andy Taylor! Online I stay dazed, confused and intimidated. I am a combination of Barney Fife and Gomer Pyle.

Just this week I tried to “network” my blog. I followed the instructions given me on my computer screen and sent out invitations. I did get a single response. A friend replied to tell me that the link I sent out to my blog did not work! LOL! This in a nutshell sums up my online ineptitude and uncoolness. 

If on the world-wide web there will ever be a cyber cemetary, my epitaph will read:

“Here lies Danny. His links hardly ever worked.”

10 Responses to I am so much cooler off-line

  1. Nicole says:

    very cool! My feelings exactly!

  2. Ilia A says:

    Brother Danny,

    I feel the same! 🙂 I do not even have a Facebook account! I do not chat on line, except speaking via Skype with my distant friends (sometimes). I feel much better speaking in-person than on-line. So you are not alone, my friend. I know people who still live in the world off-line 😀

  3. Teresa says:

    Your comments on Facebook are right on! I have quite a ministry on Facebook though. There are people who will only nod and say, “Hi” at church, but on facebook will pour out their hearts. This “old dog” is trying to learn some new tricks. (It might be interesting to blog about how to use these 21st century tools to minister to others.)

    I firmly believe that if Facebook and Craigslist ever unite, they will be a force to be reckoned with!

  4. dannydodd says:

    Good to know I have some other uncool friends! 🙂

    Teresa, I think folks like John Dobbs and Trey Morgan have probably written about that.

  5. dannydodd says:

    Friend Kelly emailed this. I thought it was pretty funny.

    The request from the days of old….”hey buddy, I’m in jail…can you come down and help me out”

    The response from the days of now… ”Sorry, my phone was off-line charging…I’ll get on-line, MapQuest the directions to the county jail, Sync my on-line bank account thru my iphone with the corresponding clerk’s office and download payment. It should only take 3.2 seconds to have you released on E-bail. Or I could just send you the app on my phone that gives you detailed directions of how to break out undetected from such confinement. The choice is yours.

  6. Ole says:

    Yo Bro! There is a whole network of us uncool dudes! We just admit it.

  7. jim says:

    you are not always lame.

  8. dholman says:

    We ought to start a club. I have even found my spelling is worse when I try to text.

  9. dannydodd says:

    A club? Not a bad idea Danny. But we would probably have to have virtual meetings! lol

    Thanks Jim- I think. 🙂

  10. J D says:

    I have tried… sigh.

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