Redneck Church

I do not know where this list originated nor who wrote it. It probably has been around a while, but it is new to me. It was sent via email to me from a dear friend who doesn’t resemble the list at all. She thought it was funny and so do I- so I pass it along. After all, I have been accused of being a redneck preacher!  – DD

You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if …

  • People ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch ’em.
  • When the preacher says, “I’d like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering” and five guys and two women stand up.
  •  Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.
  • A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because “It ain’t never been in a hole it couldn’t get out of.”
  • The choir is known as the “OK Chorale”.
  • In a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory.
  • People think “rapture” is what you get when you lift something too heavy.
  • The baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized ” Wheeling ” washtub.
  • The choir robes were donated by (and embroidered with the logo from) Billy Bob’s Barbecue.
  • The collection plates are really hubcaps from a ’56 Chevy.
  • The minister and his wife drive matching pickup trucks.
  • The communion wine is Boone’s Farm “Tickled Pink”.
  • “Thou shall not covet” applies to huntin’ dogs, too.
  • The final words of the closing prayer are, “Y’all come back now, Ya hear”.
     
    God Bless and don’t fergit ta say yer prayers!
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2 Responses to Redneck Church

  1. Donna says:

    Love it. I can probably think of some more real life ones if I have time….

    There ain’t nothin like being a bit of a red neck…

  2. dannydodd says:

    You are right Donna! Me and my pick-up truck can testify to that!

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