I do not know where this list originated nor who wrote it. It probably has been around a while, but it is new to me. It was sent via email to me from a dear friend who doesn’t resemble the list at all. She thought it was funny and so do I- so I pass it along. After all, I have been accused of being a redneck preacher! – DD
You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if …
- People ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch ’em.
- When the preacher says, “I’d like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering” and five guys and two women stand up.
- Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.
- A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because “It ain’t never been in a hole it couldn’t get out of.”
- The choir is known as the “OK Chorale”.
- In a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory.
- People think “rapture” is what you get when you lift something too heavy.
- The baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized ” Wheeling ” washtub.
- The choir robes were donated by (and embroidered with the logo from) Billy Bob’s Barbecue.
- The collection plates are really hubcaps from a ’56 Chevy.
- The minister and his wife drive matching pickup trucks.
- The communion wine is Boone’s Farm “Tickled Pink”.
- “Thou shall not covet” applies to huntin’ dogs, too.
- The final words of the closing prayer are, “Y’all come back now, Ya hear”.
God Bless and don’t fergit ta say yer prayers!